女儿上学了（1/2）

Sendg Kids Off to School

苏珊·尤尼/San Union

My girl is gog to school.

However, I still uld see how several weeks ago the se yg itself out as clearly as if it had been writtena ovie script.“Five ore utes, hohen we have to leave.”I called to y five-year-old daughter, who had been frolickgthe Pacific O for the past hour.She rofit pool swir, but the deep be sea was a different atter.

Maybe she didn’t hearcallg her na above the roar of the o; aybe she did hear and was jt ign —it ossible to tell.

“Hey, ti’s up, we have to go now.”She turned, gavea“see ya, Mo”look and headed farther to the surf.I spshed out and grabbed her ar.My shorts were soaked.

“No!”she scread,“I don’t want to leave!”She jerked her ar away froand phed her little body away.

Now she wasover her head.Overe with fear and rage I grabbed her, firly this ti, and began t her out.She scread and thrashed about like a wild anial ked her oto hard.It stunned her enough to ake her freeze and s her hysterical ravgs.She stood there alost pletely veredsand and with her outh wide open, uo take a breath.

“!”I said through ched teeth as I pulled her along toward the path that would leadaway fro the beach.She hopped alongside of , seethg and jibberg.I realized she was tryg to tellsothg.Her untelligible words alternated with jagged sobs as she shifted her weight fro one foot to another.Her feet!Now that we were out of the surf, the sand was scaldg hot.I had been ctchg her thongs all along.“I’ so sorry, sweetie.Put these on.”I slipped her thongsfeet.

That was weeks ago.Now it was Septeber, and I was ba the beach, alone.As I walked the beach, tears welled upy eyes.I uld see the iage of y daughter earlier that , headg to her freshly pated kdergarten cssroo for her first day of school.Her neack was sng proudly over her shoulder.The design of yellourple puppies and kittens verified her tender years.

I’d driven straight to the beach after droppg her off.There was sothg so reassurgthe never-endg crestg and breakg of the waves.I hoped the poundg surf would soothe y anxio thoughts.

I had dread of this day for years—five to be exact.I dread of this day when she was only a year old and she spent her days rchg through the hoe unsteadily, learng to walk.I was so hat she ight ai herself.I followed her around, h with ars outstretched like a giant bear.

When she was o, I needed a break fro full-ti oyhood badly.I had left her with y parents.Sce the job requiredon frequeours, whenever I heard her ty little voice over the long-distance phone les, y voice cracked so badly that I uld hardly answer her back.

And this past sur, our days on end of beg nstantly together caed her to deand y unfailg attention.As the sur’s heat grew ore oppressive, I got listless but she beca ore spirited.Every day I heard,“Mo, let’s go to the park, let’s go to the beach, let’s go to the Wild Anial Park, let’s go, let’s go, let’s go.”

Why the tears then? I sped walkg and sat on a rough rock, on a lovely bea a glorio day feelg iserable.I should be happy, I thought.No ore cessant chatter belve hours a day.Now I uld thk free, uncttered thoughtsa strea of ed ideas.I would be free to go back to school or start the bess I’d been thkg about.I uld go shoppg by yself.I uld roll up the dowsy car, pick a d sg at theof y ngs.

The truth is, I’d iss havg her by y side.I’d bee ed to havg a nstant panion for the past five years.“Don’t worry, Mo, we’ll still have our afternoons together.”she had reassuredat the breakfast table that .

With that thoughtd, I llected y thgs off the bead headed for y car.It was ti to go pick up y baby—fro her first day of school.Oh, y angel, I was lookg forward to spendg the wonderful afternoon together.

女儿就要上学了。

然而，我还清晰地记得几个星期前的情景，它就像被写在电影剧本里一样在我眼前浮现。“宝贝，再玩五分钟，五分钟过后我们就得走了。”我对五岁的女儿喊道。她已经在太平洋里嬉闹了一个小时了。尽管她是游泳池中的高手，但是在这深蓝色的海洋里就不尽然了。

或许是游在海洋咆哮声中的她没有听到我喊她的名字，或许她听到了，只是不在意我的话——这很难说得清楚。

“嘿，宝贝，时间到了，我们得走了！”我对她说道。她给我一个“再见了，妈妈”的眼神，转身向更远处的海浪游去。我冲了过去，抓住她的胳膊。我的短裤都被浸湿了。

“不！我不想走！”她尖声喊叫着，使劲挣脱了我的手，游得更远点儿。

此时，海水已经超过了她的头顶。我战胜了恐惧与慌乱，这一次紧紧地抓住了她，并开始拖着她向岸边游去。她尖叫着，像掉进陷阱的野兽一样踢打着。细沙粘在我们潮湿的皮肤上。

现在，我已经被气得浑身发抖了。接下来发生的事情令我难以置信。我朝她的屁股上重重地打下去。女儿被这出乎意料的举动惊呆了，停止了歇斯底里的狂躁举动。她全身沾满了沙粒，呆呆地站立在那里，嘴巴长得大大的，惊讶得喘不过气来。

“快走！”我从牙缝中挤出这句话的同时，推着她沿着离开海滩的小径走去。她气愤而犹豫地在我身边一跳一跳地走着。我意识到她有话对我说。当她把身体的重心从这条腿上移到另一条腿上时，她含含糊糊的话语变成了断断续续的哭诉。她的脚！现在已经离开了海水，沙子被太阳晒得滚烫！而她的鞋子一直抓在我的手里。“我很抱歉，小甜心。快把鞋子穿上吧。”我把鞋子穿在她那被烫得颤抖的脚上。

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